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TO MY FRIEND:
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WHEN YOU ARE SAD
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I will help get you drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
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WHEN YOU ARE BLUE
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I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
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WHEN YOU ARE WORRIED
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I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
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WHEN YOU ARE CONFUSED
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I will use little words.
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WHEN YOU ARE SICK
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Stay the hell away from me until you are well again.
I don't want whatever you have.
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This is my oath...I pledge it till the end.
"Why?", you may ask.
Because you are my friend.
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Remember: A good friend will help you move.
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A really good friend will help you move a body.
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Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.
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