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The following are supposedly actual answers from Sixth Grade History test papers:
School Daze is really a joke page, but have a good laugh anyway.....
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Ancient Egypt was inhabited by
wrote in hydraulics. They lived
The climate of the Sahara
inhabitants have to live
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mummies, and they all
in the Sahara Desert.
is such that the
elsewhere!
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Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
Moses went up on Mt. Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada
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Solomon had three hundred wives
and seven hundred porcupines.
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The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history.
The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
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In the Olympic games the Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw in the java.
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Julius Caesar extinguished
The Ides of March
he gasped out
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himself on the battlefields of Gaul.
murdered him. When he was dying
"tee hee" Brutus!
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Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak
and was cannonized by Bernard Shaw.
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Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen". As a queen she was a great success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "Hurrah".
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It was an age of great inventions and discoveries:
Guttenberg invented removable type and the Bible.
Another important invention was the circulation of blood.
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Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.
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The greatest writer of the Rennaisance was William Shakespeare.
He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money, and
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is only famous because of
comedies, and hysterectomies,
Romeo and Juliet are an
Romeo's last wish was
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his plays. He wrote tragedies,
all in Islamic pentameter.
example of a heroic couplet.
to be laid by Juliet.
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Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes:
He wrote Donkey Hote.
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The next great author was John Milton.
Milton wrote Paradise Lost.
Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
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Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress.
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Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest precedent.
Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands.
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Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation.
On the night of April 14, 1865 Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assassinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor.
This ruined Booth's career.
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Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children.
In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach dies from 1750 to the present.
Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian and half English.
He was very large.
Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf that he wrote loud music.
He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him.
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The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine.
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The invention of the steamboat caused a network
of rivers to spring up.
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Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper,
which did the work of 100 men.
Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis.
And the final test answer:
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Madman Curie discovered radio.
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Who says learning can't be fun?
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