|
EXERCISE DIARY
Most everything on this site is original -- But here is a "DIARY" received from friends that was just too funny to leave out:
As with our other pages, please be patient and wait until all the graphics load. THANKS
|
|
|
For my birthday this year my wife purchased me a week of private lessons at the local health club.
Though still in great shape from when I was on the varsity chess team in high school, I decided it was a good idea to go ahead and try it. I called and made reservations with someone named Tanya, who said she is a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and athletic clothing model.
My wife seemed very pleased with how enthusiastic I was to get started. They suggested I keep an "exercise diary" to chart my progress:
|
| Day 1:
Started the morning at 6:00 AM...Tough to get up, but worth it -- when I arrived at the health club and Tanya was waiting for me.
She's something of a goddess, with blonde hair and a dazzling smile!
|
|
She showed me the machines.
After five minutes on the treadmill she took my pulse and seemed alarmed that it was so high.
I think standing next to her in that outfit of hers was the real reason!
I enjoyed watching the aerobics class. Tanya was very encouraging as I did my situps, though my gut was already aching from holding in my stomach while I was talking to her.
This is going to be great!
|
|
Day 2. Took a whole pot of coffee to get me out the door, but I made it.
Tanya had me lie on my back and push this heavy iron bar up into the air. Then she put weights on it, for heaven's sake!
My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made it the full mile. Her smile made it all worthwhile!
Muscles ALL feel GREAT.
|
| Day 3. The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it.
I am certain that I have developed a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer.
I parked on top of a Volkswagon.
|
|
Tanya was a little impatient with me and said my screaming was bothering the other club members.
She tried to make me do pull ups, but that hurt my chest so I did the stair monster. Why would anyone want to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by the invention of elevators?
Tanya told me regular exercise would make me live longer. I can't imagine anything worse.
|
|
Day 4. Tanya was waiting for me with her vampire teeth in a full snarl.
I can't help it if I was a half hour late -- it took me that long just to tie my shoes.
She wanted me to jump rope!!!!
Not a chance, Tanya!
I hid in the men's room until she sent Lars after me.
As punishment she made me try the rowing machine. It sank!
|
|
Day 5. I hate That Witch Tanya more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world.
If there was any part of my body not in extreme pain I would hit her with it. She thought it would be a good idea to work on my triceps.
Well, I have news for you, I don't have triceps. And if you don't want dents in the floor don't hand me any barbells.
I refuse to accept responsibility for the damage! The treadmill flung me back into a science teacher, which hurt like crazy.
Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like a music or social studies teacher?
|
And besides all that,
I think I'm coming down
with the flu!
|
|
Day 6. I Got Tanya The Monster's message on my answering machine, wondering where I am.
I lacked the strength to use the TV remote so I watched eleven straight hours of the weather channel.
Day 7. Well, that's the week. Thank goodness that's over. Maybe next time my wife will give me something a little more fun, like a gift certificate for a root canal.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
